![]() ![]() By contrast, a successful career typically requires constant effort and hard work, day after day, year after year. But his criticism overlooks a simple fact.įinding the right marriage partner is often a matter of luck and serendipity, over which we have little or no control. In December we will celebrate our 64th anniversary.ĭavid Brooks argues that young adults focus more on their careers than on marriage because they view professional success as more important than marital happiness - an unwise inversion of priorities. In no manner do they compare to the much greater and more satisfying accomplishment of creating a strong and beautiful marriage. They are pieces of our lives that we continue to rejoice in. We worked hard to accomplish career goals, he as an appellate judge and me as a marriage and family therapist. From early ages, we both knew we did not want a repeat of those relationships. My husband and I each grew up amid our parents’ disastrous marriages. This article was an amazing example of that skill. What about that Harvard University study that found that what really brings happiness is having good relationships? You don’t need to be married for that.ĭavid Brooks has a remarkable talent for reaching the mind and touching the spirit in anything he writes. Risk-averse adults will continue to opt for having control with successful careers rather than taking a chance on having happiness in a marriage. How do you know it’s the right person? That’s the hard part. Ask anyone who has been married for a long while and that’s what they will say. If the headline of the column were “Marriage to the Right Person, Not Career, Brings Happiness,” it would have hit the bull’s-eye. I love David Brooks, but this time he misses the mark. It is time to update the ancient adage “happy wife, happy life” with “happy spouse, happy house.” Studies have shown that marital hostility can cause feelings of low self-esteem and unworthiness in children. ![]() I have read that to be a good father, the most important relationship is the one with your spouse. However, if my boss at work is apoplectic, I can sleep like a baby. ![]() As a married father of three, I can attest that it is impossible to find joy when my wife is mad at me. While I agree that a strong marriage is a wonderful asset and intimacy is critical to happiness, making marriage itself a priority over financial security and self-fulfillment can backfire, especially for women.ĭavid Brooks pinpoints a truism that is often forgotten in today’s high-speed chase for career success. Further, within marriage, women generally take on a “second shift” domestically, are more likely to care for infirm husbands late in life and are more subject to domestic violence. Once divorced, women typically have more trouble finding a second spouse than men. Women who prioritize marriage may end up with far less financial security after divorce or after the death of a breadwinning husband. Professional women who want to marry may have trouble finding a husband, as men often seek less ambitious younger women to care for their needs and children, or resent the demands of their wives’ work. Given the glass ceiling, if women do not prioritize a career, they may not be successful, and their self-esteem may suffer. Brooks’s advice that ambitious college graduates prioritize marriage over career could only come from a privileged male. Re “ Marriage, Not Career, Brings Happiness,” by David Brooks (column, Aug. ![]()
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